The Studogger is having an End-of-the-world, Apocalypse party and suggested that I post something along the lines of preparation.
Personally, I think the Mayans just couldn’t find a stone big enough to accommodate the remainder of their ‘long calendar’. Operative word being ‘long’. I can imagine the conversation they had:
“What comes after the second time Venus transits the Sun?”
“Who cares? By that time there won’t be anyone left.”
“Besides, we don’t have enough guys to lift a stone that big.”
“You’re done. Go back to harvesting poison dart frogs.”
“Cool. Thanks, Chief.”
IDK, if the end of the world is coming, I don’t really think you need to run yourself ragged getting things in order. Then again, if you did (run yourself ragged, that is) it might help with the whole ‘zombie-like’ appearance that is sure to be all the rage.
But the Birdwell is an old Boy Scout. And the Boy Scout motto is ‘Be Prepared’. Here are some suggestions:
Defense – A 12 gauge shotgun and plenty of 00 buckshot. Nothing less than a 12 gauge will do. No, the Stevens double barrel 20 gauge your old man handed down to you won’t work on zombies. Don’t you watch tv? Besides, Stevens are little more than pieces of pipe. A Remington 870 pump is the premier anti-zombie weapon. And only 00 buckshot. It seems that those are the only shells left in the post apocalyptic world, anyway. Throw your birdshot away, it’s useless.
A knife – Everyone needs to carry a knife on their belt. Not a folding knife, but a fixed-blade, sheath knife. The larger, the better. Keep it razor sharp.
Clothing – A good pair of jeans and some sort of button down long sleeved shirt in olive drab green, khaki or some other color that wears dirt well. Black will always be in style. Camouflage works well, too. Not flannel, it’s too soft. You need some kind of canvas cloth or cotton twill. A baseball hat, too, or a bandana.
Water – Because you’ll need to stay hydrated.
Canned food – First, most freeze-dried food tastes like crapola. Second, a 14 ounce can of peas can put a dent in anyone who is messing with you – or your alcohol.
Alcohol – No post apocalyptic preparation would be complete without some booze to quell the late night jitters. I’m not talking about beer here, folks. Stock up on something hard, vodka, whiskey, gin or rum. You’ll get used to the taste in short order. And it keeps well, too. Better than canned food.
Salt – Zombies abhor salt. Pro’ly one of the reasons they are so miserable, apart from being un-dead and all, is that they haven’t bothered to stay properly hydrated. Salt makes that all the worse. I prefer Kosher salt, myself, for reasons I have mentioned elsewhere in these blogs. Come to think of it, loading up a few shotshells with rock salt for zombie blasting might be doubly effective.
Fire – Disposable types will work in a pinch, but if you want to go for ‘best of show’ invest in a silver Zippo. Those things will set stone on fire. Next to a blast from your 12 gauge, fire is the next best zombie killer.
Toilet paper = civilization – And salvation. In the end it will be those who control the toilet paper that make the rules. The order of importance is pretty much – Food, weapons, toilet paper. You don’t see much of it on television, but you will still have to go. And when you have to go, you are going to want tp. Seems to me that wherever a group of people hold up against zombies, there is usually a good supply of tp somewhere, even if you don’t see it. It is in that room in the back that no one goes into.
This Public Service Announcement brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Birdwell. It’s the Holiday Season so, stay safe out there.