The other day I was wandering aimlessly through the Castellano property, just checking things out, when I saw some vagrants. The must have been vagrants because I had not seen them on the property previously. That, and they were hooked arm-in-arm, skipping and singing. Not typical Jersey-like behavior. From what I could see it looked like a farm girl in a blue dress, a hobo, a lion and some dude dragging around a load of duct work.
I called out to them, but they glanced back and said something that sounded like ‘veer off and pee on a lizard!’. The hobo flipped me the finger. Then they started throwing apples at me.
Douche-bags. (That’s Jersey-speak for ‘how rude’).
Thinking that they might need a few marbles launched at them, just to establish authority, I pouched an orange cats-eye in me trusty slingshot and considered the target-rich environment.
I didn’t aim at the farm chick. She was cute and I didn’t want to hurt her. Not the lion, either, because lions eat people and it’s best not to provoke them. The hobo just seemed full of duff, what with his ratty clothes and lanky gait. I thought I saw some straw falling out of his sleeves. More of a tinderbox than a threat.
Maybe my lighter…?
But the tin-knocker was toting a two-handed axe. That made him armed and thus, a combatant. Not only did it seem like he could endure a direct marble strike, but it would make a nice sound…might even echo.
I drew back and let the marble fly, clocked him but good, knocking the conical hat off of his gourd. The bohemian quartet suddenly weren’t interested any longer in launching surplus fruit or cryptic insults in my direction and dashed off into the woods.
Take that, bitches! I’d bet they won’t be back around until monkeys sprout wings and fly about.
Upon inspection, the hat turned out to be a tin funnel. I picked it up and began searching for a goose with bowel issue, to test out a theory I had heard of…