Monthly Archives: February 2018

The Russians did what?

Virst, push rock. Then I vill crack you vith my Swiffer!

The Russian curling team was charged with doping. This sounded so bizarre to me that I had to do some research.

And comment, of course.

Russians at the Olympics and cheating go together like mac and cheese. Like politicians and lying. We all know the Russians cheat. They’ve been doing it for years. We don’t even question it any longer, it’s a given. Did the Russians’ cheat this year? Does a bear crap in the woods?

Commrade Svishchev (the head cheese of Russky curling) said it was possible that an athlete’s food or drink had been spiked with meldonium and suggested that rival Russian athletes or Russia’s political enemies could be responsible.

What are you trying to say, exactly? That the Russian figure skating team was jealous of the curling team and slipped them a mickey when they weren’t looking?

Yeah, we’re not buying it.

I don’t wish to offend anyone, least of all the American Curling teams (Congratulations!), but I just don’t think this needs to be an Olympic sport. I will say that, unlike the many versions of figure skating I have to suffer through, I do like that that this game is judged on a point basis, as opposed to the opinions of several judges from other countries that may, or may not, like us.

But the notion of a curler having to ‘bulk up’ is a tough sell. Seems to me that the curling folks are the only Olympic team that can excel at their chosen sport while still sporting a beer gut. (and that right there might be reason enough for me to try out).

The Russian coach tried to defend his team by saying that pushing the polished rock over the slick ice and sweeping the slick ice with the Swiffer are actually hard work. By training hard and working out it is somehow made easier.

And I bet wearing those sneakers is difficult, as well.

I have done a lot of sweeping in my time – floors, decks, driveways, patios – and, although not my favorite chore, I certainly have not much more than worked up light sweat. And then only on a hot summer day.

So, again, no sale.

Is winning a medal at the Olympics really so important to a country that they need to resort to illegal tactics to get an unfair advantage? If the answer is yes, then put more time into training your people. The games are about fair play and sportsmanship. No one cares about you flaunting the size of your rocks…or your Swiffer.

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