Monthly Archives: April 2018

Hot enough for ya?

They even look like little diablos…

 

News item: Man hospitalized after eating the world’s hottest pepper.

According to an article I read on Cnn.com – a 34-year-old man experienced a series of intense headaches and dry heaving after eating a Carolina Reaper, reportedly the hottest pepper in the world. the man developed excruciating pain in his head and neck, prompting him to go to an emergency room, according to an article published Monday in the journal BMJ Case Reports.

The word ‘reaper’ is in the very name of the damn thing. Did he actually expect a satisfying culinary experience?

What, exactly, would prompt a person to eat something toted as ‘the world’s hottest…anything’? I used to like hot peppers, but I would stop at a cherry pepper or jalapeno. No sense going any further. I used to like Tabasco sauce, too. But you wouldn’t catch me near a bottle of Zydeco Molten Lava Insanity sauce. Who needs that kind of discomfort? What are you trying to achieve?

the ol’ man likes to grow hot peppers. I recall this one crop – they were dark purple, like miniature eggplants. They stuck out at odd angles from their stems. Right there I knew they were dangerous, but how bad could they be, really? I plucked one and cut the very tip off with my pocket knife. I touched the cut end to the tip of my tongue, {{ding}}, just for a split second. The heat (I would say it was more like ‘burning sensation’) began in about 2 seconds, steadily spread across my tongue, throughout my mouth and down my throat. I developed a headache. I drank copies amounts of beer to wash out the toxin (wait, that might have been before the pepper…) and I never did it again.

When it comes to hot peppers, there are some clues to foretell danger. Smooth skin and rich coloring will usually signal heat. But folds, crevasses and odd colors indicate danger. the Carolina Reaper, when fully ripe is a wrinkly and shriveled looking pepper that glows a satanic red and sports a pointy tail. Surely it is cringing under its own Scovilles. Who needs a crystal ball to portend the qualities of something like that?

Furthermore, who is cross breeding these things and developing new species, the demonic Monsanto Corporation? Ironically, no. It is the PuckerButt Pepper Company (no shit).

And remember: If it burns that much on the way in, it sure as hell is going to burn on the way out.

How are you going to quench that heat?

Fire hiney!

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